This is for the people on the other side of a cancer diagnosis, and I want to share this because I want people to feel free to honor their grief – to have permission to support loved ones in their grief, and also themselves. Bless the caretakers of the people with a cancer diagnosis.
Warning: Please read with caution. This may bring you to tears.
What I know is life can be as high as a kite, enjoying its freedom flight in the beautiful of the blue sky.
What I know is in an instant of the news that cancer is now a friend’s unwanted friend, can and does strip all joy out of every cell of my being and drop me into deep dark sorrow.
What I know is that tending to the everyday is the matter, of course, and hope is the tiny ray of light that helps me manage through the dark matter.
What I know is that deep ache in my soul is grief being held at bay with the gatekeeper allowing tiny snippets through at a time, so the onslaught of grief doesn’t drown me in sorrow’s tears.
What I know is the hollowed out hole I feel in the core of my being, just by anticipating the loss to our world of my friend’s presence leaving, feels like an anchor dropping me to the bottom of the ocean in echoing silence with no air to breathe.
What I know is I know this too well, and I don’t want to know death as a familiar companion right now. I do not want him sitting silently beside me, haunting my day with the reality of losing my friend.
What I know is while deep sorrow brings me to my knees, deep strength and faith raise me up to hold what needs to be held for my beloved ones who are suffering.
What I know is my heart is broken, shattered into tiny pieces, like a mirror that has been smashed, and I am desperately trying to glue the slivers and shards back together so I can see my friend again as whole and here.
What I know is I want the clock to rewind to before the moment of when the news of the cancer catapulted me forward into the reality of losing my friend.
What I know is I want a moment of peace, and all to be right with the world. And we’ll deal with whatever comes our way back before the future was ripped so ferociously from my heart.
What I want is to not see the film in my head of the days, weeks, and months ahead of us, where loss is our constant heralder of bad news.
What I want is love, pure love, as much as can possibly be mustered to fill the hole in my gut so my friends know that love outshines, outlasts, out maneuvers, and is eternal and forever between us.
What I want is for love to surround my friends and carry them in grace and faith on this next stretch of their journey.
What I want them to know is, I will be available at every weigh station and stop to offer love in whatever way they may need it. If they need floors scrubbed, clothes washed, errands run, or sitting with… they need, I’ve got them!
What I want is for them to know they don’t ever have to walk this path alone, we can, and will, and choose to be present as you need or want us to be.
What I want is love to surround you, bless you, comfort you, and hold you.
That’s what I know and what I want for you my dear friends.
In deep abiding love,
Lizanne
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